How Technology Impacts Relationships in Today’s Society

Technology in the 21^st Century has a funny way of enhancing our lives and at the same time making it far more difficult than we would care for. When it comes to relationships, developing trust in someone you just met and building confidence during early phases of a relationship seems far more challenging than ever before.

One of the most common tools primarily for women to do is to Google your dating prospect prior to going out with them. Initially, as a woman, I thought, that’s a great idea! This technique can help alleviate some of the skepticism you may have from dating someone for the first time and at least ensure you’re not possibly going to go out with someone with a serious criminal record. However, as this form of checking out your mate prior to dating, also nicknamed online prowling, has gained popularity, it is now highly advised that the last thing you should do, is to go online and check your date out prior to your first encounter. One of the reasons is that there could be misleading information online about the person you are inquiring about, your search comes up with multiple people with the same name (how would you decipher which of them is the correct one?) and the online perception of that person may cloud your judgment. This is why an advice given on the subject by a columnist on Forbes magazine, under the Lifestyle section, is “Before a first date, the best research is no research”. (Krueger, 2014)

Further, once you have established a relationship, how do you build on it? With so many outlets online leading you to believe that perhaps your relationship isn’t as great as those fed to you on your FaceBook account. Should you compare your relationship to those of others? Are they really a good indicator of what a relationship should be like? There is an article online about the psychology of couples oversharing on FaceBook, where they took a small group of people who volunteered to participate in a study which examines whether there is a correlation between those that overshare on FaceBook as opposed to those that do not in relation to how genuinely satisfied they are in their relationships. The study in the group had couples who were in a relationship from one month to 30 years. Groups were established of introvert and extrovert type personalities, the study indicated that the group of introverts were more likely to overshare about their relationship status than the extroverts; primarily because with extroverts, they are more likely to share verbally and do not just share their relationship status online but also vocally to friends and associates as opposed to introverts, who are less social and therefore have less friends to vocalize their relationship status to. Out of the group that did and did not overshare, there was no clear indication that those that did overshare where any happier with those that did not but were instead indicated that they were indeed genuinely satisfied with their partners and felt the need to express their happiness in their relationship status by documenting and sharing those moments online.

The only indicators that this study revealed was that when it comes to introvert or extrovert personalities, technology makes it feasible for everyone to flaunt their personal lives publicly and openly. But can it factor into how you feel about your own relationship as an outsider looking in? Most people like to compare themselves to one another. It seems to be a natural human behavior in this day in age, where the ability to be ostentatious is lauded and to be a spectator effortless. With social media, every aspect of a person’s life is instantaneously fed to your account, without even wanting to receive this information, it’s right there in front of you. However, the effects of using social media to expose so much details about your own personal relationship can have as much a negative impact on the people viewing that information as much as the person sharing that information.

For example, there is the issue of whether your partner approves of having their private moments with you displayed publicly. A post from a couple’s psychologist, Alexandra Solomon, expressed that some of the major arguments her clients are having is when one of them decides to share some private moments on FaceBook. Even though you may feel it is quite natural to share your personal life online since others are doing just the same, your partner may not agree and may find it intrusive and overbearing. Boundaries should be established between the two of you and you should ask for permission prior to sharing because what may seem harmless to you may not to your partner.

Further, when it comes to friends or distant friend(s), who you may have recently reconnected with through social media, your relationship status can drive a form of jealousy in those that do not quite have that same perspective outlook in their relationship or for those that have had a difficult time finding or connecting with someone. You can find yourself being a target of someone else’s resentment that has nothing to do with you directly but that you have in some form affected them indirectly. Also, inasmuch as you can find yourself the target of negative feedback due to oversharing, you can also become depressed because your relationship status just does not quite compare to someone else’s. It’s a natural trait to find yourself envious because of what someone else has. People always seem to think that the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence”. One way to combat this issue is by simply limiting your use of technology, or social media specifically, to limit the over-exposure of things that are having a negative impact on your psyche. You can also choose to unfollow those that you find overbearing due to their lack of keeping some things private. Comparing your relationship with someone else’s is not fair to you or your partner since you don’t really know what happens between them behind closed doors. What may seem like a blissful relationship from the outside looking in, could be quite different on the other side. You can only know what you know and work with what you have. An article from Psychology Today, written by Andrea Bonior, PHD, 7 Ways to Combat Facebook Jealousy outlines a way to take back control by identifying key objectives in your life to achieve attainable goals that give you meaning and a sense of accomplishment.

Finally, one of the most controversial aspects of the use of technology in the 21^st century on relationship is the growing number of infidelity. The ability to easily reconnect with an old flame from the past or someone who you have always had a crush on but nothing ever came of it until now that has come in to your life as a casual flirt that somehow has turned into something more intense. These types of situations are a common occurrence on social media and have been reported by many couples. To find yourself in a position where you are now entertaining the thought of being with someone else while you’re in a relationship is very tempting. There are many reasons why someone in a relationship would cheat. Cheating is not something new and has always been an issue in relationships for many years. It’s just more easily accessible now through the use of technology. Especially with dating apps. With these apps, you can find someone available that wants nothing more than a one night stand, no strings attached. How great is that? (sarcasm) While some may view this as a great way to finding someone new and bringing some form of excitement back into their lives, avoiding issues they have in their current relationship only leads to guilt and anxiety of getting caught. This in turn, leads to more complications in your relationship and only serves to heighten the issues you already have. A research study indicates that not only has the number of infidelity increased from 1991 to 2006 but also the number of women who are cheating on their spouses has increased significantly more than in previous years. In a report in 2003, the number of cheating wives were estimated to a total of 60% of women have engaged in at least one extramarital affair (Edelman, 2003). In addition, a survey conducted in 2010 by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81% of divorce lawyers reported an increase of divorce due to social networking, primarily noting FaceBook as the main site used as evidence of the affair.

So what does this all mean? In short, it just means that life has now become more complicated than ever before. Gone are the days were simplicity and modesty are a virtue. Technology has not only helped us to reconnect, progress, and inspire. It has also made us more dependent, anxious, and distracted. Technology has made it easier for us to invoke all the negative qualities we ever knew we had, on each other and ourselves. We have become an extreme version of ourselves in a world where real-life situations are over-dramatized and every day issues are exacerbated. How do we build a long-lasting relationship with someone in this day in age? My advice, limit your use of social media (unless for professional use), prioritize all aspects of your life, appreciate your surroundings and those surrounding you, and live life to your own expectations and never expect anything from anyone.

References

Bonanno Galasso, l. S. (2016). Social Media's Impact on Relationships. Retrieved from PsychCentral: https://psychcentral.com/lib/social-medias-impact-on-relationships/

Bonior, A. P. (2015, March 31). 7 Ways to Combat Facebook Jealousy. Retrieved from Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201503/7-ways-combat-facebook-jealousy

Edelman, S. (2003, July 13). Why we Cheat; Women Doing it More and Feeling Less Guilty. Retrieved from NYPost: http://nypost.com/2003/07/13/why-we-cheat-women-doing-it-more-and-feeling-less-guilty/

It's Cheating. (2014). Social Networking Extends Cheating Opportunities. Retrieved from itscheating.com: http://www.itscheating.com/cheating/social-networking-extends-cheating-opportunities/

Krueger, A. (2014, April 30). The Best Ways to 'Research' Someone You Meet Online. Retrieved from Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/alysonkrueger/2014/04/30/the-best-ways-to-research-someone-you-meet-online/#5a32da132cde

Parker-Pope, T. (2008, October 27). Love, Sex and the Changing Landscape of Infidelity. Retrieved from NYTimes: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/28/health/28well.html

Romm, C. (2014, August 15). The Psychology of Oversharing Facebook Couples. Retrieved from www.theatlantic.com: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/the-psychology-of-oversharing-facebook-couples/376112/

Wong, B. (2015, December 15). 7 Ways Facebook Can Ruin Your Relationship. Retrieved from www.huffingtonpost.com: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-ways-facebook-can-ruin-your-relationship_us_56706867e4b0e292150f80b6

Evolution or Devolution?

Youth on social media & the internet: Step forward or step back?

This was a topic of conversation that was posed by the Asbury Park Press in its monthly

Student Voices contest and circulated on the Sunday, February 26, 2017.

The Question: What would like be life be like for high school and middle school students without the internet and social media?

I thought this was particularly interesting since we've had a few conversations in class on the subject. Of the many interesting points made by the students that participated in this contest, the most moving one, which I will caption for you briefly is the one written by Molly Griswold, a senior at Freehold Township High School, who won the contest.

Within she writes "The internet allows us to put on a façade and exhibit our extremely fabricated and false personas in a narcissistic and self-consumed virtual reality. . . . Without 'the world at our fingertips,' life would be filled with embracing personal connections, conquering missed opportunities and overcoming our worst insecurities. Instead of staring at a phone or a computer screen, we should be staring into the eyes of the people we love. Rather than sending a mindless text, we should express our feelings through words. Maybe, one day, society will realize the difference between living through a lens and living in the moment."

If you would like to read the full version and those of others, which was also quite impressive and touching, you can do so by clicking on the following link below:

http://www.app.com/story/opinion/columnists/2017/02/24/social-media-attitudes-youth/98348088/

Human Gods

Monday, March 27, 2017

"The New Totalitarianism of Surveillance Technology"

Sunday, March 26, 2017