How Technology Impacts Relationships in Today’s Society
Technology
in the 21st Century has a funny way of enhancing our lives and at
the same time making it far more difficult than we would care for. When it comes to relationships, developing
trust in someone you just met and building confidence during early phases of a
relationship seems far more challenging than ever before.
One of the most common tools primarily
for women to do is to Google your dating prospect prior to going out with them. Initially, as a woman, I thought, that’s a
great idea! This technique can help alleviate
some of the skepticism you may have from dating someone for the first time and
at least ensure you’re not possibly going to go out with someone with a serious
criminal record. However, as this form of
checking out your mate prior to dating, also nicknamed online prowling, has gained
popularity, it is now highly advised that the last thing you should do, is to
go online and check your date out prior to your first encounter. One of the reasons is that there could be
misleading information online about the person you are inquiring about, your
search comes up with multiple people with the same name (how would you decipher
which of them is the correct one?) and the online perception of that person may
cloud your judgment. This is why an
advice given on the subject by a columnist on Forbes magazine, under the Lifestyle
section, is “Before a first date, the best research is no research”. (Krueger, 2014)
Further, once you have established
a relationship, how do you build on it? With so many outlets online leading you
to believe that perhaps your relationship isn’t as great as those fed to you on
your FaceBook account. Should you
compare your relationship to those of others?
Are they really a good indicator of what a relationship should be
like? There is an article online about
the psychology of couples oversharing on FaceBook, where they took a small
group of people who volunteered to participate in a study which examines
whether there is a correlation between those that overshare on FaceBook as opposed
to those that do not in relation to how genuinely satisfied they are in their
relationships. The study in the group
had couples who were in a relationship from one month to 30 years. Groups were established of introvert and extrovert type personalities, the study
indicated that the group of introverts were more likely to
overshare about their relationship status than the extroverts; primarily
because with extroverts, they are more likely to share verbally and do not just
share their relationship status online but also vocally to friends and
associates as opposed to introverts, who are less social and therefore have
less friends to vocalize their relationship status to. Out of the
group that did and did not overshare, there was no clear indication that those
that did overshare where any happier with those that did not but were instead indicated that they were indeed genuinely
satisfied with their partners and felt the need to express their happiness in
their relationship status by documenting and sharing those moments online.
The only indicators that this study
revealed was that when it comes to introvert or extrovert personalities,
technology makes it feasible for everyone to flaunt their personal lives
publicly and openly. But can it factor
into how you feel about your own relationship as an outsider looking in? Most people like to compare themselves to one
another. It seems to be a natural human
behavior in this day in age, where the ability to be ostentatious is lauded and
to be a spectator effortless. With
social media, every aspect of a person’s life is instantaneously fed to your
account, without even wanting to receive this information, it’s right there in front
of you. However, the effects of using
social media to expose so much details about your own personal relationship can
have as much a negative impact on the people viewing that information as much
as the person sharing that information.
For example, there is the issue of whether
your partner approves of having their private moments with you displayed publicly. A post from a couple’s psychologist,
Alexandra Solomon, expressed that some of the major arguments her clients are having
is when one of them decides to share some private moments on FaceBook. Even though you may feel it is quite natural
to share your personal life online since others are doing just the same, your partner
may not agree and may find it intrusive and overbearing. Boundaries should be established between the
two of you and you should ask for permission prior to sharing because what may
seem harmless to you may not to your partner.
Further, when it comes to friends
or distant friend(s), who you may have recently reconnected with through social
media, your relationship status can drive a form of jealousy in those that do
not quite have that same perspective outlook in their relationship or for those
that have had a difficult time finding or connecting with someone. You can find yourself being a target of
someone else’s resentment that has nothing to do with you directly but that you
have in some form affected them indirectly.
Also, inasmuch as you can find yourself the target of negative feedback
due to oversharing, you can also become depressed because your relationship
status just does not quite compare to someone else’s. It’s a natural trait to find yourself envious
because of what someone else has. People
always seem to think that the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence”. One way to combat this issue is by simply limiting
your use of technology, or social media specifically, to limit
the over-exposure of things that are having a negative impact on your psyche. You can also choose to unfollow those that
you find overbearing due to their lack of keeping some things private. Comparing your relationship with someone else’s
is not fair to you or your partner since you don’t really know what happens
between them behind closed doors. What
may seem like a blissful relationship from the outside looking in, could be
quite different on the other side. You
can only know what you know and work with what you have. An article from Psychology Today, written by
Andrea Bonior, PHD, 7
Ways to Combat Facebook Jealousy outlines a way to take back control by identifying
key objectives in your life to achieve attainable goals that give you meaning and
a sense of accomplishment.
Finally, one of the most controversial
aspects of the use of technology in the 21st century on relationship
is the growing number of infidelity. The ability to easily reconnect with an old
flame from the past or someone who you have always had a crush on but nothing
ever came of it until now that has come in to your life as a casual flirt that somehow has turned into something more intense. These types of situations are a
common occurrence on social media and have been reported by many couples. To find yourself in a position where you are
now entertaining the thought of being with someone else while you’re in a
relationship is very tempting. There are
many reasons why someone in a relationship would cheat. Cheating is not something new and has always
been an issue in relationships for many years. It’s just more easily accessible
now through the use of technology.
Especially with dating apps. With
these apps, you can find someone available that wants nothing more than a one
night stand, no strings attached. How
great is that? (sarcasm) While some may view this as a great way to finding
someone new and bringing some form of excitement back into their lives, avoiding
issues they have in their current relationship only leads to guilt and anxiety of
getting caught. This in turn, leads to more
complications in your relationship and only serves to heighten the issues you
already have. A research study indicates
that not only has the number of infidelity increased from 1991 to 2006 but also
the number of women who are cheating on their spouses has increased
significantly more than in previous years.
In a report in 2003, the number of cheating wives were estimated to a total
of 60% of women have engaged in at least one extramarital affair (Edelman, 2003) . In addition, a survey conducted in 2010 by
the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that 81% of divorce lawyers
reported an increase of divorce due to social networking, primarily noting
FaceBook as the main site used as evidence of the affair.
So what does this all mean? In short, it just means that life has now
become more complicated than ever before.
Gone are the days were simplicity and modesty are a virtue. Technology has not only helped us to
reconnect, progress, and inspire. It has
also made us more dependent, anxious, and distracted. Technology
has made it easier for us to invoke all the negative qualities we ever knew we
had, on each other and ourselves. We
have become an extreme version of ourselves in a world where real-life
situations are over-dramatized and every day issues are exacerbated. How do we build a long-lasting relationship
with someone in this day in age? My
advice, limit your use of social media (unless for professional use), prioritize all aspects of your life, appreciate
your surroundings and those surrounding you, and live life to your own
expectations and never expect anything from anyone.
References
Bonanno Galasso, l. S. (2016). Social Media's
Impact on Relationships. Retrieved from PsychCentral:
https://psychcentral.com/lib/social-medias-impact-on-relationships/
Bonior, A. P. (2015, March 31). 7 Ways to Combat
Facebook Jealousy. Retrieved from Psychology Today:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201503/7-ways-combat-facebook-jealousy
Edelman, S. (2003, July 13). Why we Cheat; Women
Doing it More and Feeling Less Guilty. Retrieved from NYPost:
http://nypost.com/2003/07/13/why-we-cheat-women-doing-it-more-and-feeling-less-guilty/
It's Cheating. (2014). Social Networking Extends
Cheating Opportunities. Retrieved from itscheating.com:
http://www.itscheating.com/cheating/social-networking-extends-cheating-opportunities/
Krueger, A. (2014, April 30). The Best Ways to
'Research' Someone You Meet Online. Retrieved from Forbes:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/alysonkrueger/2014/04/30/the-best-ways-to-research-someone-you-meet-online/#5a32da132cde
Parker-Pope, T. (2008, October 27). Love, Sex and
the Changing Landscape of Infidelity. Retrieved from NYTimes:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/28/health/28well.html
Romm, C. (2014, August 15). The Psychology of
Oversharing Facebook Couples. Retrieved from www.theatlantic.com:
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/08/the-psychology-of-oversharing-facebook-couples/376112/
Wong, B. (2015, December 15). 7 Ways Facebook Can
Ruin Your Relationship. Retrieved from www.huffingtonpost.com:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/7-ways-facebook-can-ruin-your-relationship_us_56706867e4b0e292150f80b6
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